Empathy-a powerful tool for writers

September 9, 2018 by 2 Comments

Empathy—a powerful tool for writers

Empathy—the ability to feel another’s perspective. It’s a fascinating subject. Empathy can provide a useful tool for survival, such as improving one’s ability to anticipate the moves of an adversary or envisioning the likely response of an opponent to one’s own actions. We see this portrayed in stories of hostage situations in which a victim is able to thwart an armed attacker by getting into their head and appealing to base emotions.

I suppose empathy can be weaponized. I think that is the basis of psychological warfare. Empathetic understanding can be associated with criminal profiling. But, using empathetic understanding for better communication and fostering of improved social relations has greater appeal to me. Empathy can bring insights into the behavior of colleagues, family and friends. It can help one understand the actions and motives of others. I remember my mother talking with a young boy who was jabbing a stick into the earth alongside a shallow ditch. He revealed that he was unhappy in his family’s recent move “to a place where a kid can’t even dig a hole without getting in trouble.”

 Empathetic understanding can be especially important to writers. It can help a writer to understand the feelings and motives of a villain, providing for a more interesting and believable bad guy. This is particularly important as mystery novels increasingly emphasize character complexity. Since a writer must depict a whole cast of characters, good empathetic understanding enriches our portrayal of characters in addition to the villain.

Empathetic skill is important to the writer while conducting research for a novel. It’s not enough to learn about facts and events we want to use in a novel, we need to gain and portray the way people we are writing about, or who have inspired our writing, felt when they did what we want to write about. Those feelings must so permeate our understanding of the people we write about that attitudes and motives will come through in how our fictional characters talk, act, and interact. Their feelings must be more than an analytic deduction, they must be ingrained by the writer and infuse the writing.

Admittedly, some people are simply more empathetic than others. But, can empathy be developed as a skill? I think so. As with most things, practice leads to perfection. We can ask ourselves how people we observe, or study must feel about something. We can consciously ask ourselves what our friends and colleagues seem to feel as we interact with them in a host of differing situations. As we people-watch, and I suspect most writers are people-watchers, we can seek glimmers of empathetic understanding of the behaviors we observe and not simply listen to dialogue or look for amusing situations and characters. I think empathy can be one focus of attention, and that we can improve our ability to employ it with conscious practice.

I don’t portray Bobby Navarro, my series protagonist, as being particularly empathetic. He’s a biker, a blaster, and a loner. But, he’s a people-watcher. And, he solves murders because he cares about people, especially the young and vulnerable. He was able to understand the feelings of a young woman who was a bit of a marginalized individual in Murder on the Mother Road and gain important information leading to solving the murder in that story. Perhaps there’s a little empathetic capability in most of us. It just needs to be developed. What do you think?

Filed Under: Back to basics, blog posts, Books, Reading, Self-improvement, writing

The Waiting Game

January 26, 2018 by 2 Comments

This week included a day when my wife and I had several appointments that involved a lot of waiting. It made me think about how much time we spend waiting and the many situations requiring that we wait. Those of us who have commuted to work in a large city are all too familiar with waiting in traffic or waiting for a bus, train or airplane. Anyone who shops in a supermarket knows about waiting in a checkout line. Most of us probably try to shorten the wait time by seeking the shortest line. If you’re like me, the shortest line gets held up by some glitch just after we join it.

And, how about waiting in a telephone queue? I’ve spent hours in this situation. Sometimes it seems like anytime I call a customer service number I’d better be ready to wait an interminable amount of time while the automated system runs through all the announcements and options available before I’m given a chance to seek whatever service I’m after. Then I must wait forever in a queue while some recorded messages assure me my call is important. Our ancestors had to wait for rain, or for the crops to ripen. That took months, but at least it made a lot more sense than the waiting we are put through today.

Of course, there are things I can do to make the waiting time more enjoyable or productive, such as taking a book along when I visit the doctor’s office. Of course, nowadays we have books available on our cellphones. That’s handy. But, waiting for highway delays to clear, or at traffic signs? That’s another story. Although, come to think of it, I’ve seen people reading while sitting behind the steering wheel of their car. I don’t recommend the practice. Unfortunately, people are all too likely to be texting on their cellphones while driving, walking, or even sitting at a table in a restaurant while presumably enjoying a meal with someone.

I hate it when the car in front of me fails to take advantage of a green light because the driver is on a cellphone. I hate it when someone sitting behind a desk or counter is texting on their cellphone instead of doing whatever their job calls for while I stand there waiting. I suppose I could just take out my own cellphone and busy myself while I wait. Maybe I could call the person on the other side of the desk or counter and let them know I’m waiting.

I used to look forward to reading magazines while waiting in a doctor’s office. They used to provide magazines. They might have been old issues, but they were still entertaining, and I might not have seen them. Now, I notice a lot of waiting rooms only have magazines offering information about available services. Sometimes there are no magazines, only a television with infomercials playing while you wait. I’d be happy to settle for an old issue of a magazine at this point.

With all my thoughts about having to wait, I suppose I should feel guilty about subjecting my series protagonist, Bobby Navarro, to waiting. I do though, but not too often. I think he should have to wait in line at the supermarket occasionally just like we do. Years ago, I had nearly completed an all-day ride on my motorcycle when traffic came to a halt. Naturally, it started to rain. I got soaked. Needless to say, I’ve let Bobby get wet a time or two as well. It’s only fair.

What pet peeves do you have about waiting? Any favorite stories? And what do you do to handle the waiting game?

 

Filed Under: Back to basics, blog posts, Books, Motorcycles, Outdoor living, Reading, Rural Florida, Self-improvement, Village Life, writing

Where Have All Those Resolutions Gone?

January 12, 2018 by Leave a Comment

It’s the middle of January, and my understanding is that half the New Years resolutions have been abandoned. I’m proud to say this is not the case with mine. I decided to be careful what I resolved to do and pick something I might have a real chance of accomplishing. To that end, I came up with a short list of things I wanted to resolve, but put off the final selection and commitment until now. That way I wouldn’t overshoot reality in the frenzied days of New Year celebration and set out to do something I had little chance to achieve. So, while others have given up already, I’ve just begun. Pretty clever, don’t you agree?

I really like making New Years resolutions. I guess I’m an eternal optimist, believing people can improve. Not that many seem to. This New Year season seemed to generate a larger than usual number of articles on how to make and keep resolutions. I have to say, no one I read came up with the approach I took, however. In general, advice seemed to center on laying out specific, attainable goals. I think that may be part of the reason people have already given up on their resolutions. With such specific goals to live up to, it’s easy to see right away that one has failed. If I had resolved to lose two pounds a week, I’d certainly be able to tell by now that I’d been a miserable failure. I gained a bunch over the holidays. No, I’m much better off resolving to recover the body I used to have, back when I could eat anything and not gain an ounce.  Instead of facing failure at not having lost a couple of pounds, I still have my goal to look forward to achieving—someday. In fact, think I should celebrate. Ice cream anyone?

That brings up another point, rewards. Those articles I read mentioned a reward system for good performance. In my case, being able to eat anything I want without gaining weight is reward enough. I love to eat. I don’t need other reinforcement. I admit I don’t have that ideal body back yet, but I haven’t given up. You see, I don’t have to say I’ve failed. Without specific, measurable goals I’m better able to maintain the vision and stay the course. Not that I don’t expect difficulties ahead. I am willing to be realistic, after all. I’m aware that I ought not to go clothes shopping just now, for example. A lot of the clothes I might like to buy are either too snug, or pooch out over my belly. Actually, I have lots of those clothes I’d like to wear already—in my closet. They’ve been there for years. I keep waiting. . .

I wonder what my series protagonist, Bobby Navarro, would have resolved if he gave in to the New Year pressures to do so. Certainly, he wouldn’t need to resolve to take another great cross-country ride on his Harley. That is something that is just going to happen. And, resolving not to get involved in another murder investigation would be useless, too. You and I know that’s going to happen as well. And, he doesn’t need to worry about his weight. He manages to stay in great shape all the time.

 So, fellow New Years resolutionists, how are you doing? If you’ve had trouble keeping your resolutions, it’s not to late to take up the approach I used, and enjoy the success I expect to have someday. Share your thoughts?

Filed Under: Back to basics, blog posts, Books, dieting, Motorcycles, Rural Florida, Self-improvement, Village Life, writing

Time for a Little Criticism

January 21, 2017 by 2 Comments

I am now at a sought-after point in the writing process. I have both completed a rough draft of my latest manuscript in the Bobby Navarro mystery series, and I have edited it as well. Now, I would probably want to change something any time I read a story I’ve written, so I can never tell if it is the best it can be, or not. At some point, I need outside feedback—criticism. My reviewer may end up thinking the whole thing was a colossal failure, or fell apart completely at some point. It’s wait-and-see time. Believe me—not easy.

In everyday life, we talk about being willing to listen to criticism. In writing, we talk about having our work critiqued. In either case, no one is eager to hear their creative efforts are crummy, their brilliance banal, or their talent tenuous. I’m no exception, but I do feel that constructive criticism can be a highly valuable commodity. However, getting the most from a critique of our work requires more than just letting others have their say. Here are five components of making criticism constructive when you are on the receiving end.

 1.        The first requirement for making criticism constructive on the receiving end, is to listen to it, and resist temptation to defend what we did. It’s not an argument. The goal is not to decide who wins. Learning from the criticism is the sought-after goal here, and that is only accomplished when the emphasis is placed on hearing, and understanding, what the criticism is. Similarly, it’s important not to succumb to another temptation, explaining why the behavior, writing, whatever, was the way it was in the first place. Just listen, get it straight, and take it under advisement—with sincere appreciation.

2.       That last part—with sincere appreciation—is very important. It’s not easy to accept criticism, but it should be appreciated. That doesn’t mean surround yourself with nags and nasty enemies. It does mean that criticism can help you improve yourself or your work, and is a valuable means toward that end. There are a lot of things written on how to be a good this-or-that. There are usually no books written about what we, as individuals, are doing wrong. Good criticism is worth a lot, treat it accordingly.

3.       Do something with the criticism once it’s received. A wonderful thing about computers, is that it is so easy to save numerous versions of our work. We don’t have to throw out the original, to try something different. Too wordy? Try cutting down, and examining the results. Someone suggests getting rid of a passage of particularly beautiful prose? Cut it. One click can save the treasured bit of writing. Chances are, you will never use it, but it hurts less to cut something, when we know it is saved should we ever find a better place to use it. The important thing, is to try seeing how the effected portion of writing works when revised.

4.       Have more than one source of feedback. If you receive a difficult-to-take bit of criticism, it can be more convincing and easier to take if you hear it from more than one source. I once had a whole writing group tell me a piece I had written was terrible. I had thought it was great. Hearing it from the whole group was convincing, even though disappointing. On another occasion, one reader thought a story was the best I had written, another thought it was the worst. Who can say? Receiving criticism is a learning opportunity. Multiple sources offer a greater opportunity for you to learn, and that’s what it’s all about.

5.       You own the final product. Accepting criticism does not remove one’s own responsibility for the final product. Simply making suggested changes, without working to understand them and the reason for their suggestion is disrespectful to oneself and one’s own work. Sometimes the criticism is best rejected, although the rejection should be saved until after the criticism has been received, understood, analyzed, and tried-out. But, in the end, you own the results, and must accept that ownership in an informed and responsible manner. By the way, when you keep in mind that you have the final say, it makes it easier to pay attention to whatever criticism you are dealing with.

 So, with all this in mind, now I’ll have to wait and see what happens, and then get back to work on producing the finished manuscript so I can put Bobby Navarro back on the road. And, speaking of being on the road, I recently saw this beauty.  Any thoughts?

Filed Under: Back to basics, Self-improvement, writing

New Year, new Resolutions

January 7, 2017 by 2 Comments

It’s that time again. People are making, or already have made, personal resolutions to kick off the new year. As we all know, these New Year’s Resolutions seldom last. Some never get started. Nevertheless, I love it, and I refuse to believe you are too old to accomplish change. After all, aging is all about changing, and getting used to changes. You know, that arthritic pain is just a part of aging—get used to it. Doing your chores is just a part of life—get used to it. Ha, if you think eighth grade is tough, wait until you get to high school—get used to it. So, let’s be realistic, if we are supposed to get used to unpleasant stuff, why not get used to something becoming better? Why not get used to something we want?

With that said, the road to good intentions. . .etc. I remember quitting smoking. Not easy. Failed more than once. Finally hit on a plan that worked. . . so far, at least. (I put it that way in order not to get cocky. Getting cocky leads to failure. And, who knows? I may fail again. . .although it’s been around fifty years now.) When I was quitting, I didn’t tell others that’s what I was doing. Didn’t want to jinx the effort. When asked why I wasn’t lighting up, I’d just say I didn’t want one right then. I even carried a pack of cigarettes around with me so I wouldn’t be tempted if someone offered. I had my own; I just didn’t want one. Technically, it was true. I was dying for a cigarette, but in my head I didn’t want one. So, you don’t have to tell others what you resolve, just carry out the resolution one day at a time, and–get used to it. After a while, it becomes a habit.

Last year, I resolved to achieve more balance in my life. Nothing too specific, although finishing the novel I had underway was part of what I had in mind. I wanted a modest resolution. You see, I had resolved to achieve better balance before. Guess what?

One of the things that helped me with the balance thing this time, was my wife, Lesley, convincing me it was better to write for an hour, or even a half hour, than not to write. I had previously relied on waiting until I could find a bigger chunk of time down the road. That didn’t happen. Little bits worked. A little bit every day accumulates over time. So, it’s not just setting a modest goal, it’s doing modest bits of behavior in the right direction on a regular basis. Forget about big changes, it’s the little bits of change that add up to success.

f course, if this sounds like I now lead a well-balanced life—forget it. You can believe it or not, but I have a lot of improvement yet to achieve. No, really! But, it’s like when I stopped smoking—I did better this past year. . .for more time. And, as for those times when I did anything but better—we need to learn from our failures, it’s how we gain successes.

So, what’s in store for this year? I’m not saying. We had a great getaway for New Years, and I hope to continue moving ahead on my work in progress and have the next Bobby Navarro mystery out this spring, or summer. Beyond that, I’m just picking out one little thing I want to do differently, and trying to take regular steps in the right direction. How about you?

 

Filed Under: blog posts, Self-improvement, writing